I decided to stay in Seattle for the holiday after much hemming and hawing and then more hemming and a little waffling. I feel bad about it. I would like to see most of my relatives, but not in conditions that are hostile to sanity. So I'll be spending a quiet week in (and out of) my quiet apartment. Here's what I plan to do:
- Catch up on laundry
- Read Proust, Rorty, and Murdoch
- Write my year/ decade - end lists, analyses, etc.
- Find some new music to listen to
- Clean the bird cage
- Vacuum
- Go to a movie (which one? dunno)
- Watch the 2 Netflix I've had for 6 weeks
- Re-order my Netfilx queue
- Send a holiday letter to my uncle Phil in Sweden
- Drink some brandy & eggnog
- Do yoga
- Sell some books
- Make a mix CD to give to friends
- Plan a quick trip to Portland next week
- Go to my ex-husband's xmas-eve punch party
- Go for a run or 3
- Make myself a nice meal
- Figure out what I'm doing with my life
Well, that last one may extend past this week...
When I was a desk jockey in San Francisco, I frequently changed my desktop image to something happy and tropical because I was, well - unhappy & cold. Now that I'm back in Hawaii, I wanted to put some images out into the internets, in case anyone out there is searching for warm, flowery, happy, tropical, Hawaii wallpaper:
It appears as though I will be making it to Hometown for Christmas after all! Somehow, if all continues to go well. I'll see you all when I return!
The snow is impeding my travel plans. My flight is tomorrow at 6:20pm. Flights as late as 22:30pm tomorrow are already canceled, even though it's stopped actually snowing.
I can't sleep.
If I can't make it to Hometown I'm going to have a mental breakdown. I don't know what I'm going to do, but all the threads that are keeping me sane are all going to snap.
Yesterday, I spoke to our church's Friday MOPS group. Their theme this year centers around the book, Make Today Count by Maxwell. I was asked to choose one of the chapters, which consist of values that one should incorporate into daily life. Since it was their final meeting before Christmas, I chose Generosity.
Here are some thoughts from the talk:
Most know that today's Santa Claus originates with St. Nicholas, who lived during the third century in what is now Turkey. After his parents death, he devoted his life to the Church and gave away his entire fortune to those in need. "St. Nick" lived his life in such a way that he became known as a gift-giver.
But, I am not sure Nicholas was just - POOF - a giver.
Do we have to teach children to share? If you've ever been a room with a couple of 2-year-olds, you know the answer to that!
I once watched a recording of Donald Miller (author of Blue Like Jazz), and he talked about how we all believe this life is our own movie. "I am the star! The rest of you are just supporting players."
The reality is, we have to be purposeful in our giving – it doesn't come naturally to most of us.
So, what does it mean to be generous?
First, it's not just about money. Give of yourself: your time, your attention, your talent...to name a few not-for-sale gifts.
Proverbs 11:25 says, “The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.” (NIV)
But sometimes we are called to share our money/wealth.
Jesus said, “Give to those who ask, and don’t turn away from those who want to borrow.” (Matthew 5:42)
A caveat: don't lend money. But Nicole, you just quoted a verse that says don't turn away someone asking to borrow.
I know of a family that if they agree to give someone money, they never look at it as a loan. They make a conscious decision to never expect to get it back. If they can't give it away, they don't give it.
Anyone every loaned a friend or family member a bit of cash and you're still waiting for that payback? Makes holiday get-togethers a bit awkward, eh? If they even come around you any more.
Just give it - expecting nothing in return.
Okay - I get it. I need to be generous. But how?
1) Value Others
Treat everyone with respect. Yes, even that annoying woman in the grocery store line!
A week or two ago I was at our local Kroger. The lines were four and five people deep. A manager opened the register next to my line and directed me over. As I loaded my purchases on to the belt, a woman checking out to the right of us loudly vied for the mangers attention:
"EXCUSE ME! I need to tell you that if you don't get some baggers in this store, I am never shopping here again! The cashiers don't know how to bag my groceries, and I am tired of doing it myself. Are you listening!? Are you going to get some baggers over here..."
On and on went the diatribe, as the manager, softly and graciously, called over some department managers to bag the woman's purchases as her sheepish husband looked at the floor.
My first thought was, "Wow, I didn't know it was my constitutional right to demand a bagger at the grocery store." I had a few other thoughts that weren't as "nice".
But as I left the store, a still small voice whispered, "What if that woman just lost someone close to her? What if she just got word that someone she loves is facing a terminal illness?"
Bottom line: we have no idea what someone might be going through that would cause them to spring a leak - a rather loud one at that! - in a grocery store while dozens of bystanders gawk. Sure, some people are just rude, but God loves even them, doesn't He?
God calls me to a lot of things, but one of them is certainly not judging (and thank goodness too).
2) Know what people value
This will mean giving of your time – getting to know them. If you are like me, the last thing you have is time! But the dividends of taking time to get to know those you say you love: unmeasurable.
3) Make yourself more valuable
Work
on you! What are you doing to cultivate character and personal growth
in your own life? A few ways to do that include time with God (prayer,
Bible reading), being a part of a church, developing relationships
there via small groups or discipleship classes, and finding that friend
who knows and loves you enough to tell you when you are crazy.
(Seriously. If you don't have one of those, you need one. Pronto.)
4) Love people unconditionally
It doesn't get more specific than this: “The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You've got to love both.” (1 John 4:21, MSG)
5) Find a reason to give every day – and then DO IT!
It could be as simple as letting that guy with just a gallon of milk jump in front of you in line at the wholesale club. It doesn't have to cost a lot of money or involve a lot of fanfare - it's simply looking for those small moments when you can be an encouragement to someone else.
6) Don't wait for “better times” to be generous
Let's be real. If you are saying, "I'll give more when the economy rebounds or I get a raise at work or my retirement fund is at a respectable level again," you're really just kidding yourself. There will always be something - braces for the kids, a blown tire, leaky faucets. As the old Nike ads said, "Just do it."
As I finished up this little talk, I handed out tea bags with a small note attached: Generosi-tea.
I asked those moms to do something generous - big or small - before
they enjoyed that herbal brew. I hope each one will look at that small
gift and be encouraged to embrace a new mantra: I will live to give.
That's exactly what God's Son did for each one of us. He chose life here on earth, and then He gave it away that we ALL might live.
Of all the gifts you give this Christmas, may Generosi-tea be at the top of the list.
(*I can't take complete credit for the big ideas represented here - Maxwell's chapter on Generosity was vital as a jumping off place.)
It's the 18th of December, and that means that
- Christmas is just ONE WEEK AWAY! I'm starting to explode with excitement. Excitement over what I'll be getting for Christmas, yes, but more importantly, excitement over how excited and thrilled Alyssa and Ryan are going to be! We kicked ASS with present choices this year!
- My brothers have been in state custody for exactly fifteen months. Per state law, they're now eligible to be placed for adoption, unless the parents are making progress with doing all that they need to do to get them back. My mom IS doing that... mostly.
- I'm exactly one month out from my gastric bypass surgery! A month ago today I wasn't feeling nearly as awesome as I do now!
So, who's ready for Christmas? We're on top of everything this year. Christmas cards were mailed over two weeks ago, I already baked cookies for Dan to take to his co-workers, all of our presents (except gifts for Dan's aunts and uncle, eep!) are wrapped and under the tree, and we even took the kids to see Santa (usually we wait until last minute). I think this year's Santa photo turned out a LOT better than last year's:
My weight dropped to 262.8 yesterday, then up to 263.4 today. I'm assuming my period is just around the corner. I'm four days late, but considering I had major surgery that messed with my calorie intake, nutrition levels and hormones, I'm not surprised that it's MIA (psst... hey period? Feel free to stay MIA for a while!).
I'm still having vomiting issues. There's no rhyme or reason... just trapped air. One day I'll be great and not get sick at all. The next day I'll get sick at least once. The other day -- Tuesday, I think -- I threw up after EVERY SINGLE MEAL I ate that day. I also discovered that while I can easily tolerate very small portions of spaghetti, elbow macaroni and the rounded shells that are in Velveeta, ravioli is absolutely, positively a NO FUCKING WAY DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT JENNIFER. Despite chewing the bit I had into mush I had to throw it up, and it got STUCK. For about 0.02 seconds I was seriously afraid that I'd have to go to the hospital and get it endoscopically removed. Not cool, ravioli, not cool.
I have a bunch of videos from my Kodak Zi8 Pocket Video Camera to go through. I can't wait to get through them, because there are a few adorable ones of Ryan singing Christmas songs at his preschool Christmas party! ♥
I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to do that tomorrow, along with baking cookies (Alyssa wants to do holiday-shaped cookies, and Ryan can't wait to get his hands on sprinkles!) and writing, because we're supposed to get a colossal shit ton of snow dumped on us. Seriously... I'm talking a foot or more. Ugh. :(
Dude, what is UP with my child? That grin is positively evil!
Well, the last order dates for the holidays have passed, and Santa's final sacks of festive MOOs are filling up fast. We're still taking new orders though, and we'll be shipping them out as fast as we can - so don't hesitate to order thank you cards for all your lovely pressies!
Just so you know, here's our warehouse and customer service closure dates over the holiday season.
Thursday 24th December - LIMITED HOURS: we'll be shipping orders in the morning, but going home in the afternoon to wrap presents.
Friday 25th December - CLOSED : we'll be at home feasting on mince pies and turkey.
Monday 28th December - UK CLOSED: we'll be buying new trousers to fit our expanded waistlines!! (please note this is a UK Holiday only).
Tuesday 29th December - OPEN: business as usual.
Wednesday 30th December - OPEN: business as usual.
Thursday 31st December - OPEN: business as usual.
Friday 1st January - CLOSED : we'll be trying out our New Year resolutions and nursing hangovers.
Monday 4th January - OPEN: that's it, holidays over, back to work!
It's also important to note that our StickerBook turnaround in the UK is severely delayed over the holidays. Any orders placed after the 20th December will not be dispatched until the week of the 4th January.
That's all for now - Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from the MOO Warehouse Crew!
Disconnect #1:
Puddin's text message was simple: "J hung himself."
The implications are far more complicated. Puddin has the sense of relief that her ex-husband won't be stalking her anymore, that the past few years' nightmare of frivolous custody suits, unsent child-support, and threats has ended. The down side…how do you explain to a seven year-old that the father who has only been there sporadically is dead? How do you explain that this father loved you, but he hanged himself?
A few miles up I-75, my friend's daughter, Eliza, has coded four times in the past week. She's fighting for her life, fighting the way she's had to her entire 16 years. She's waiting on a heart-lung transplant, eager to grow up and have problems.
There's a disconnect somewhere in this world. How one person can hate life so much that he snuffs it, while another person has battled her entire 16 year life to stay alive--I wish we could just transfer the healthy life spark from one person to another. I mean, it would have been no big deal for J to code--he wanted to go. Let Eliza be up and walking around, and J could segue into wherever abusive bastards are sent afterwards.
Disconnect # 2:
A couple weeks ago, I was surfing around the interwebs, and I stumbled across the video of Bud Dwyer, then the Pennsylvania Treasurer, holding a press conference. After making a statement, in which he professed his innocence, he gave envelopes to three of his aides, then pulled out a .357 Magnum and shot himself in the head. BOOM! Right there on live TV. (you can link to the video from wikipedia's article on Bud Dwyer) All I could think of was, "That doesn't even look real."
The next night, I watched "Boys Don't Cry," in which the protagonist is shot under the chin. All I could think was, "Now THAT is what it's supposed to look like!"
It was vaguely discomfiting seeing an actual gunshot suicide happen; even more horrible was that I judged it as lacking compared to the special effects extravaganza in the movie.
Disconnect #3:
I've written before about my extreme dislike of X-mas, which I differentiate from Christmas. X-mas contains all the frenzy: shopping, parties, stress, presents, et cetera ad valium. Christmas is a pretty straightforward message of peace. Once again, I'm up to my ass in X-mas, and have been since Black Friday. Christmas will be fine and peaceful, but it only lasts a day. Is it worth it? All the madness and mayhem--just for one day where people are less dickish to one another?
Don't ask me that tonight.
Last night, I lay in bed thinking about my life. I've been depressed and alcoholic, where my first thought upon awakening each day was, "Oh, shit; again?" I've also been really sick, where I was 24 hours away from dying. As I lay there, I focused on my breathing, on the fact that I'm not battling for breath. I thought about my job. Yeah, it's stressful as hell this time of year, but it's not too bad. I thought about my people, about Team Punkin and my various partners in crime, about friends nearby and afar. I treasured that even though I'm not wealthy, I have a nice apartment I can afford. Even though it was muggy outside, it was cool inside. I was breathing on my own, without equipment to assist me or monitor me.
I thought how nice it would be if Eliza gets her ultimate Christmas gift, and if Puddin' and her son can find a little peace somewhere in this mad X-mas frenzy.
