8 posts tagged “parenting”

[It's worth noting that this is the perspective of someone who does not live in a situation like this.]

There's a marriage conflict that seems to apply only to a certain segment of the American population- the two-parent, one income family. One half of the married couple is the breadwinner, and the other half stays home with the children and tries to keep the house in order. The conflict comes when one (or both) partners don't appreciate the hard work and effort the other is putting into the equation. As with anything, the problem has two perspectives:

"I work hard at the office all day while X gets to stay home. Doesn't X understand that I need some downtime?"

"I work hard at home raising the kid(s) all day while Y gets to leave the house. Doesn't Y understand that I need some downtime?"

The conclusion each reaches is that he/she is contributing more to the household than the other. This becomes especially pertinent in situations such as the breadwinner sleeping in on the weekends while the stay at home parent gets up with the kid(s) and sulks about it, or when the breadwinner comes home and sees the house in disarray and assumes the stay at home parent has been doing nothing all day, and sulks.

The problem is not that people feel the way they do; it's how they choose to react. So often this situation turns into a power struggle instead of a recalibration of attitudes and approaches. The problem with the power struggle is that nobody wins- it simply goes on until the kid(s) think that that is how a marriage works. Bad attitudes are self-perpetuating, and parents who deal with conflicts in this way are not teaching their children what they think they are teaching, that it's important to be considerate. Instead they are teaching their children to discount the contributions of others and harp on and nag others. Blaming the other person for everything allows a person to occupy the moral high ground; unfortunately, that's all it accomplishes.

So, for the record:

Working outside the home is difficult, challenging, and will take a person to the end of their tether.

Working inside the home is difficult, challenging, and will take a person to the end of their tether.

Marriage is about supporting each other, not tearing each other down. So make that extra effort. You'll be a better person for it, and your children will be better people for it.

Every year, the circus comes through my town. They set up the big top on the big lawn beside the mall, and it always looks like fun. This morning a coworker wandered by and offered me a couple of discount tickets- $5 off each adult ticket and a free ticket for a child. So I called hubby and asked him to find out if the Munchkin's momma would be cool with us taken the Munchkin to the circus. She not only okay'd it, we got to keep her overnight so we could go to the later show! We used the $10 we would have saved to upgrade to the VIP seating (which is a relative term when everyone's sitting in a giant tent). There were camels, ponies, trained dogs, elephants, a trapeze act, and gymnasts. Munchkin got to ride on a camel! She was scared to do it at first but as soon as she got on I could tell she was having a blast.

She's asleep now. We had so much fun with her tonight, and I think she had a good time too. I miss her when she's not around.

This morning one of my coworkers came in with one of those magazine subscription catalogs- you know, the kind school-age children pass around (or more accurately have their parents pass around) for a school fundraiser. It's easily been years since I worked with anyone who had a child in primary school. I think I bought some pretty wrapping paper from my boss's daughter when I worked at the Sprint store, but it's been awhile. It made me think of when I was a little kid, how those things got passed out, and there was a prize for selling so many doohickeys and widgets, and a little catalog of the prizes you could earn. My parents' response was invariably "you're not there to sell crap, you're there to learn" and then pitching the catalogs. It never bothered me at all, since I really wasn't a social kid and never have been much of a salesperson (in spite of five years in retail commission sales, heh). But then prize day would come, and that was a little bit of a bummer for me. I wanted a new slap bracelet, or a bendy straw, or whatever the piece of crap du jour was at the time.

All this went through my head as I signed up to renew my subscription to Ready Made, the filthy hipster DIY magazine I've been reading for the last year or so. Even though I would never hawk this stuff as a kid, I would totally do it as a parent, and I'll buy from other parents too. I guess the world mellows you out about this stuff. Unless you're my parents.

Hubby has work tomorrow and a ten hour drive home ahead of him, so we made our farewells a few minutes ago and he hit the road. It was wonderful to have him here, and easily the best surprise I've gotten in a long time.

Recently I've been considering how our culture seems to put off emotional/social maturity. Specifically, I'm 25 years old and when I see 19- and 20-year-olds having babies, it really makes me wonder about myself, about them, about our country in general. I guess everyone does things on the timetable that makes them comfortable, but it makes me think about what people use to decide if they're ready. I'm still in college, we rent an apartment (a duplex but a rental nonetheless), and well, those are really the only holdups these days. I feel emotionally ready (finally!) but raising a child in a rental property isn't my ideal, and trying to be pregnant/a parent, work, and go to school all at once seems like an awful lot of irons in the fire, and I've seen how difficult it can be just to work fulltime and be a parent too, without adding educational aspirations on top of that.

Any thoughts from the gallery?

My stepdaughter's birthday was a few weeks ago, and one of the gifts she received was a talking doll dressed like a cheerleader. When you press the doll's tummy, she sings a cheer:

"Riding on a donkey
Sitting on a cactus
We think your team needs a little practice
Hop in the tub
Pull out the plug
There goes your team, glug glug glug"

1. Go to your room and throw individual blocks at a plastic bucket.

2. Run around the living room yelling at the cats.

3. Poop your pants.

1. Repeating the same phrase over and over.

2. Making big, smelly farts when you're a guest at someone's house.

3. Calling everyone "you guys" all the time.

4. Spitting food you don't like back onto your plate.

5. Lying when you're asked if you've just pooped your pants.

1. Try those brussels sprouts. They taste good!

2. I have absolutely no idea what happened to that horrible, annoying toy you were bugging the crap out of me with yesterday.

3. All curling irons are hot all the time, which is why you should never touch them.